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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by SirOssis View Post
    11/06/2012
    Sure would have been nice if they could have come up with a after morning pill for that.




    "Sometimes it is entirely appropriate to kill a fly with a sledge-hammer!"
    MAJ. Holdredge


  2. #22
    Senior Member SirOssis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Talhoffer View Post
    Sure would have been nice if they could have come up with a after morning pill for that.

    and the real joke is on all of us

  3. #23
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    ***ATTN: This joke is kind of gross, but its only a joke people! and also I am horrible at telling jokes!

    Highschool prom is coming up in about a week or so and this girl havent made enough money at work to pay for her dress. So she goes to her dad and asks him if he could give her about $140 to cover the rest of the cost. The dad says to the girl, "whats in it for me?" Surprised by the question, the daughter says..."WHAT?!" The dad repeats himself with a devilish smile and asks again "whats in it for me?" The girl then sits back and says I will do extra chores around the house for a month! Dad says, "your mom does that for free, How about you suck my D***!" Grossed out by the comment the daughter runs away... three days go by and she still havent been able to come up with the money. So she goes back to her Dad and asks does the offer still stand. The dad says sure if you do it later on tonight after your mom is sleep! So the daughter says deal, but you cant tell anyone... The dad says of course I wont. So at the end of the night, the daughter comes and does what she needed to do. While in the middle of doing the deed, she stops and ask the dad, "why does your penis taste like sh**?!?!?) the dad then replied, "OH well your brother needed a tuxedo!!!"

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  5. #24
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    As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
    She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
    A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

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    Ever since I went to the vet everything has been loud as f#ck.

    Number 1 qualification on resume "Able to piss people off" and have ship load of references to prove it, But they all hate me!

  6. #25
    Senior Member blkbd's Avatar
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    Here's one some know from experience...I do.

    How are women and tornadoes alike?
    They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.
    Ironminer thanked this.

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    Ever since I went to the vet everything has been loud as f#ck.

    Number 1 qualification on resume "Able to piss people off" and have ship load of references to prove it, But they all hate me!

  7. #26
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    A guy starts work at Blockbuster video, he found it to be a great job but complicated. One day he was at the register and an old man cam in and asked if he could buy a phone card. The guy gives him a card and the old man wrote him a check for $39.80. The guy tells him he's 20 cents short, so the old man gives him two dimes. Unfortunitely when the guy types this into the computer he misses the period on the keyboard and it comes up as 20 dollars. Later that night the manager finds the register $19.80 short and assumes the guy had stolen it so he fires the guy immediately.

    And the moral to this story is

    Guy gets in trouble over missed periods.
    JustinCase thanked this.




    "Sometimes it is entirely appropriate to kill a fly with a sledge-hammer!"
    MAJ. Holdredge

  8. #27
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    Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down a street with a beer gut, not shaving for the past week, no showering for 4 days, still be in there mid 40's, and still think they are sexy enough to have any 20 year old male walking down the street.

    Until then men shall rule the earth.
    Ironminer thanked this.
    "It seemed like a good idea at the time"

  9. #28
    Senior Member pjmarshake's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dead-eye-Willy View Post
    Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down a street with a beer gut, not shaving for the past week, no showering for 4 days, still be in there mid 40's, and still think they are sexy enough to have any 20 year old male walking down the street.

    Until then men shall rule the earth.
    I don't know... When was the last time you went to Wal Mart???

  10. #29
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    A single father and his son move from West Virginia to Ohio. They move just in time for the begining of a new school year and the son enrolls in the fifth grade. On the afternoon of the first day of school the father waits for his son to get off the school bus. The son gets off the bus distraught. The father asks what's wrong, the son replies, we were in English class reciting the alphabet, everyone could recite A to Z , but I couldn't remember anything past L. The father explains to the son they're just a little slow because they're from WV and that everything will be ok and that he'll catch up to his classmates soon enough. The next afternoon the son gets off the bus even more distraught. The father asks what's wrong today? The son says today we were in math, everybody could count to 100, I couldn't get any further than 31. The father says, that's ok son, that's because we're from WV. The next day, the son gets off the bus skipping and whistling in a great mood. The father asks, how was school today? The son replied, today was great...we had gym today and afterward the coach made all of us boys take a shower. I've got the biggest pecker in the whooooole class. Is that because we're from WV deddy? NO... said the father...it's because you're 18 years old.

  11. #30
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    A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table.

    The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

    Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

    Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

    Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jumps the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

    The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed children's jigsaw puzzle. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?"

    The blonde who brought in the picture explains, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together.

    "The side of the box said 2 to 4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!"

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