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Thread: Jokes anyone?

  1. #1
    Senior Member Ferris2son's Avatar
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    Jokes anyone?

    A dog lover whose dog was a female and "in heat", agreed to look after her
    neighbor's male dog while the neighbors were on vacation. She had a large
    house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.

    However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and
    moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together in
    obvious pain and unable to disengage, as so frequently happens when dogs "do
    it".

    Unable to separate them and perplexed as to what to do next, although it
    was late, she phoned the vet, who answered in a very grumpy and somewhat
    angered voice.

    Having heard the problem explained to him, the vet said, "Hang up the phone
    and place it down alongside the dogs. I will call you back and the noise of
    the ringing will startle the male dog, quickly causing him to loose his
    erection, and he will withdraw very quickly."

    "Do you really think that will work?" she asked.

    "It just worked for me," he replied.



    akitainu, STL, Blackrifles and 4 others thanked this.


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    Good stuff Ferris...I needed that.

    The only joke I can think of is this past Tuesday. But it is not really the "ha ha, funny" type of joke.
    “If we win here we will win everywhere. The world is a fine place and worth the fighting for and I hate very much to leave it.”
    Ernest Hemingway, For Whom the Bell Tolls




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    *KNOCK* *KNOCK*

    Who's there?


    Does it matter?


    Our country is fvck3d
    Last edited by Kerberos; 11-09-2012 at 08:06 PM.

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    Senior Member Ferris2son's Avatar
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    I was trying to change the subject.
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    Senior Member McCrapper's Avatar
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    Jokes anyone?

    Hunters never die... they just go deeper into the woods.

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    My fault...sorry.

    Okay, I know very few jokes and am horrible at telling them. But here is a golden oldie:

    Three guys are on a cross country road trip.
    After driving all day, they are tired and pull into a motel.
    To their chagrin, there is only one single bed room open.
    Despite the distaste of sharing a bed, they are exhausted and take the room.
    They lay side by side on the bed and drift off to sleep...
    The next morning, they wake up and the one on the left says:
    "Man, I had the hottest dream. I was making love to a fine woman. It was great"
    The guy on the right says:
    "That's funny, I had the same kind of dream...it was so vivid."
    The guy in the middle shakes his head and says:
    "Well, damn, I'm jealous. All I dreamed of was skiing."
    Ferris2son, cap10 and M1P90 thanked this.
    “If we win here we will win everywhere. The world is a fine place and worth the fighting for and I hate very much to leave it.”
    Ernest Hemingway, For Whom the Bell Tolls




  8. #7
    Senior Member Clyde's Avatar
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    A traveling salesman was driving down a country road. He saw a cloud of dust coming up behind him, and pull along side of his car. He looked over and saw what looked like a chicken. He glanced at his speedometer and he was going 55 mph. He couldn't believe it, so he sped up to 65. The chicken stayed right with him. He hit 75, and the chicken was still there. He floored the car to 90 and stared in disbelief as the chicken sped past him, and ran down the road and turned into a farmhouse.

    The salesman went to the door and knocked, and he was greeted by the farmer's daughter, who was stunning in her beauty. Charmed, he said "Pardon me, miss, but I just saw the darnedest thing. I was passed coming up that road by what looked like a chicken going over 90 mph." The comely daughter just smiled and said "Oh, that is our six-legged chicken. My daddy bred them so we could sell them since they would have more drumsticks."

    The traveling salesman paused and then said "Say, I make a pretty good living selling things like your chickens. Maybe I could help you. How do they taste?" The pretty girl smiled a beaming smile and said "Well, shucks, mister, nobody knows. No one has caught one yet!"
    Last edited by Clyde; 11-09-2012 at 09:06 PM.
    Amat victoria curam

    It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent. It is the one most capable of adapting to change.

    -- Charles Darwin, and what he actually wrote about species evolution

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    What do the mafia and going down on a woman have in common?


    One slip of the tongue and you're in deep ****.
    IGC224 thanked this.

  10. #9
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    What does an old lady have between her tits that a young woman doesn't?


    A navel.

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    What's similar between women and KFC?

    After you've finished with the breasts and thighs all you've got left is stinky greasy box to put your bone in.
    Humiston, Ironminer, jbmoose and 1 others thanked this.

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